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Post by Fawkes on Nov 29, 2005 3:47:28 GMT -5
Ah! You guys can write good poems.... I am just hopeless at it. I'll post if I get one of the poems I tried to write...
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Post by Jon on Jan 18, 2006 7:10:43 GMT -5
theres only rele one poem i ever wrote and it was only four lines
[black]Let me go let me fly let me soar into the sky [/black]
that was all i managed write
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Post by Bo on Dec 2, 2006 16:04:50 GMT -5
hey, I like it. Would you write another stanza? I wrote a lot of poems and would love someone to honestly tell me what they think. I love to read other peoples too and will review any poem anyone wants. Please tell me what you think: Until Today
Life never really mattered Until today It seems so insignifcant just tossed away
I never understood Until just now that you could not save me from it all somehow
It seems to me we all were just pretending Until this moment that life was neverending
How was I to know the lie and what was I to say? I never wanted so to die until today
sad, i know, but I have others...
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Post by summertimefun6 on Dec 2, 2006 18:34:29 GMT -5
these are really good you guys
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Post by Bo on Jan 1, 2007 16:35:15 GMT -5
thanks...I really want some constructive critisism if anyone's willing.
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Faith
1st Year
&& you can't fight the tears that ain't coming...
Posts: 232
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Post by Faith on Jan 3, 2007 20:38:33 GMT -5
I think its very good, the words and the rhythm is amazing. But i'm still not so sure if she wants to die or is someone is killing her.
This says she does want to while
says that someone is killing her...
do u mind clearing it up? but apart from that - amazing!
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Post by Bo on Jan 3, 2007 22:02:00 GMT -5
yeah sure I'll be glad to explain. sorry it wasn't clear. Its like this: The title signifies that this is the first time the speaker has felt a close loss. We can, hopefully, relate to that feeling that everything was different 'until today' when we began to understand what grief was.
the first stanza it says that until the speaker encountered death in reality and of someone they loved, they didn't really value life as much. but now, realizing how short and psecail it is, they do.
The second stanza shows that the person they have lost is a person they saw as a hero. you may chose spouse, older sibling, grand parent, hero, best friend, parent...whatever. It was a shock even though they knew it would happen one day.
In the third stanza they have lost a childhood ignorance about dying. Its pretty self-explanitory. that's kinda what it feels like when you lose someone for the first time and you're pretty young.
The final stanza says how was I to know life really would end having never had to face it and what could I have said or done to feel diferently? nothing. And so while they see the value of life they have never longed for death until this moment when someone they truely loved died. The meaning is rather implied but I will work on making it more clear that it is not murder. but that's a good idea.
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Post by bookluver14 on Jan 4, 2007 10:25:59 GMT -5
i think it is really good, and you mastered the rhyme while still keeping the poem in line, and great. Personally, I have never been that fond of rhyme. Often it misguides what you want to say, and has people mis...directed. But you managed to do both, rhyme and make a point. The best kind of rhyme is not one people can point out, or that draws attention to itself. Its the kind that just floats on the surface, making your words ring-- or sound clear and beautiful. And it is not to easy to find.
I don't think I have any more poems that I haven't shared, but i'll give a look. oh!
Your life is a puzzle and a book as well Never finding the last piece, And always wanting to read the next chapter.
Your life is like a Thunderstorm, You’re always waiting for the sun to come out And Your life is like an ongoing night, With You, lying on your back staring at the starry sky thinking; There has to be more.
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Faith
1st Year
&& you can't fight the tears that ain't coming...
Posts: 232
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Post by Faith on Jan 4, 2007 18:44:51 GMT -5
hehe
sowwy - blonde moment
But is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Bo on Jan 5, 2007 13:46:59 GMT -5
That poem was something I could really feel. You seem to be able to put deep feelings into understanding phrases. Good job. BTW: thanks so much for the legnthy review-it means a lot.
I do write poems without rhyme but they are usually very repititous and personal. I'd like yours, and everyone else's, views on these two if you don't mind. The first it pretty simple and straightforward. Its based on a personal experince. The second is one of my few romantic poems and has an alternate title.
The Other, Gold
I trusted you Believed what you told me without doubt I trusted you You were my way out. I trusted you Could it be real, I trusted you This way that I feel? I trusted you Should I want revenge... I trusted you Who were supposed to be my friend.
ouch...not my best but what can I do about it?
Education I never knew that sin could be so bright on days like this I never knew it could seem so right things like this I never knew it could feel so warm in places like this I never knew it could be wrong a love like this
suggestions?
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